Your mind is on vacation but your mouth is working overtime. You have an entire life to be an idiot. (Part 1), Online Dating: Icebreaker Questions That Get The Answers. Keep rolling your eyes, perhaps you'll find a brain back there. 2. 25 Savage Comebacks Found In the Comments 14,765. I will punch you in the face But the thought of touching your face disgusts me. Id give you a nasty look but youve already got one. I dont know whether to laugh at you or pity you. If I had a dollar for every time you said something brilliant, Id be broke. Then you've landed in the right place! You owe it an apology. Please shut your mouth when youre talking to me. 58. Only someone as dirty-minded as you would interpret it that way. "Shut Up your not suppose to talk while menstrating." One day you might say something really smart. Me neither. I guess you prove that even God makes mistakes sometimes. Why dont you slip into something a little more comfortable Like a coma. Tombstone engraving: I TOLD you I was sick. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. Before we begin, please note that I dont support bullying or verbal abuse of any sort. I cant suck something that doesnt exist. I was today years old when I realized I didnt like you. Your email address will not be published. 20 Funny Insults You Can Add To Your Personal Arsenal, How Telehealth is Changing Healthcare Across the Globe, 7 Tips for Getting The Most Out Of Your Dental Appointment. Someday you will go far hope you are there, 19. you are free to go Stupidity is not a crime. Hey, where did you get your nose from? Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons? 82. Must have been a long and lonely journey. This is no battle of wits between you and me. The opposite attracts, right? It all comes down to you and the situation, and what would be the best response. Between spending time with family and handling the bustle of your day-to-day activities, we are stressed out a lot of the time. In the face. Guy: Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again?Girl: Yeah, but this time dont stop! "I'm glad your comfortable with your weight." 7. You're the reason God created the middle finger. This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by suggesting that you would enjoy doing it.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'grammarhow_com-leader-2','ezslot_19',116,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-leader-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'grammarhow_com-leader-2','ezslot_20',116,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-leader-2-0_1');.leader-2-multi-116{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. Your presence keeps covering it up. Copyright Social Mettle & Buzzle.com, Inc. I know I make stupid choices, but youre the worst of all my choices. 8. Now we are fed up. Believe me, I dont want to make a monkey out of you. you will make money. So for once . How impressive! Sometimes, I wish I was deaf so your grammar wouldnt bother me so much. Witty responses are better suited for more casual scenarios like a conversation with friends. Good. If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn't be enough to blow your hat off. The people who tolerate you daily are the real heroes. If I had known the difference between the words "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive. In fact in your case theyre nothing. Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people. Dont you have a terribly empty feeling in your skull? Dont you need a license to be that ugly? Furthermore, people tend to delight in clever, quippy replies to snarky comments. Please cancel my subscription to your issues. Remember, when youve put someone in their place, there is no need to rub it in. I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you. I consider you something a vulture would eat. Take it up with my butt because he's the only one who gives a crap. Dont be ashamed of who you are. We hope you enjoyed our dirty comebacks! We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Is your family tree a cactus? Hey girl, is your name winter? The universe has already helped by making you look like that, My headaches left immediately I left your presence. Husband: "Hey babe, you smell that?" Girl: Darling, do you think Ill lose my looks as I get older?Guy: With luck, yes. But first, why do people even say or write that? All rights reserved. This is another witty comeback that works great because it is attacking the size of the d you were just offered to suck. "Grammar error on Facebook? When he is not writing in his favorite coffee shop, Igor spends most of his time reading, traveling, producing house music, and capturing light with his camera. If your brain were dynamite, there wouldnt be enough to blow your hat off. From the moment I first saw you, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life avoiding you. Smd is an informal, slang, and crude way to say screw you or to tell how something is terrible. Right: Personal. Im sorry to hurt your feelings. Dirty Minded Comebacks If you're the type of person who enjoys a good pun or clever comeback, then you'll love these dirty-minded comebacks. Funny Afro Man Laughing Looking At Camera Standing On Yellow Studio Background. 8. Q: What's strong enough for a man but made for a woman? You may find one, 96. I would kick you in the vagina, but I dont want to lose my shoe. This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by suggesting that you are too expensive for them to handle. "Acting like a dick won't make yours any bigger." You might like: 17+ Savage Comebacks for Pickup Lines. Guy: That's what she said! 2. 3. This is the ultimate Duke Nukem soundboard, with new stuff added as I find it. All day I thought of you I was at the zoo. 2. Hey girl, is your name winter? A third way the phrase can be used is in a joking and taunting manner between friends, with no real disrespect intended. Please tell me you dont plan to home-school your kids. Funny comeback: This one's for the kill-joys. Keep rolling your eyes, and you might eventually find a brain. Well, dont worry, below you will find 25 of the best comebacks To smd. Not when you are around, but once you leave. You shouldnt act hard-to-get when youre already hard-to-like. Im not insulting you, Im describing you. Then youve landed in the right place! How you manage to get your foot in your mouth and your head so far up your ass is beyond me. 84. Wife: "No." We were happily married for one month, but unfortunately, weve been married for 10 years. Youre not glowing, honey. 59. Never mind, its too long." When you look in the mirror, say hi to the clown you see in there for me, would you? Guy: Your Ugly.Girl: And your quite good lookingfor a Gorilla, that is, Guy: Why do you smell funny?Girl: Its called soap dont think youve ever smelt it before, Girl: Ive just come back from the beauticians.Guy: Pity it was closed. 3. Oops, my bad. I was just about to poison the tea. Wanna take the joke a little far? Dont get caught with nothing to say. You should come with a warning label. When the sanitation worker came, he forgot to take you along. Id like to leave you with one thoughtbut Im not sure you have anywhere to put it! Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet. If I ever need a brain transplant, Id choose yours because Id want a brain that had never been used. If I said anything to you that I should be sorry for, Im glad. If I told you that I have a piece of dirt in my eye, would you move? If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth. Youre the reason God created the middle finger. But I like the opportunity to ignore you on other occasions. / 23. I prefer a battle of wits, but you appear unarmed. RELATED: Adults Find These 180+ Jokes For Kids To Be Freaking Hilarious 1. XBL: Crimson Carmine. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. Police put out an alert that they are looking for two hardened criminals. I couldve sworn I was dealing with an adult. Thats real glory. You are like a cloud. Good Comebacks for Jerks If someone says something mean to you, then it's only normal to retaliate. You should carry a plant around with you to replace the oxygen you waste. You politely decline, but he doesnt take the hint. You are about to exceed the limits of my medication. 66. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. I would agree with you, but then we would both be wrong. Girl: "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? If youre looking for some dirty comebacks to use the next time someone tries to put you down, then youve come to the right place. Furthermore, he has teaching experience from Aarhus University. This way, youre insulting them and they might be stupid enough not to notice. A nasty comeback doesnt require much ingenuity. Be ready. 20. I'm sorry, I was ignoring you. I dont know where you look. Sometimes thinking hard can be difficult. Seeing as not everyone can be articulate on the fly, having a list of sharp and clever comebacks in reserve could do wonders to your banter game. Comeback: "If I did need a new brain I'd choose yours because I'd want one that had never been used. Because you are not making any cents! You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye. 56. Should I offer you a tic-tac or a toilet paper? Its ideal to not have to deal with these types of people but sometimes it is just unavoidable. The last time I saw a face like yours, I fed it a banana. Learn more about us here. Can I ignore you another time? Son: "Not enough I have to go back again tomorrow." Were you trying to insult me? "Your wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead." I think you already know that you are a social worker. This is the perfect time for you to become a missing person. If I had a face like yours, I would sue my parents. You are so old, when you were a kid rainbows were black and white. You are so old, you sat next to Jesus in school. You are so old, you walked into an antique shop and they sold you. You are so stupid, youd trip over a cordless phone. You are so stupid that if I gave you a penny for your intelligence, Id get change back. You may be a beautiful person on the inside, too bad you were born on the outside! You are about to exceed the limits of my medication. Do Not Buy Rocket Spanish Before reading this! Our goal is to create English lessons that are easy to understand for everyone. You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen. Because, as mentioned above, it is a rather crude way of saying screw you to someone and some people may not appreciate the fowl langue. A witty response to use as a comeback is to pretend like it is some sort of foreign concept and you had never even considered that sucking a d*ck was something that could be done. I will sue my parents if I have a face like you. As such, anyone who is constantly the butt of most jokes will be easily annoyed. I cant insult you. That is where most accidents happen. You know what an asshole is, right? Any friend of yours - is a friend of yours. No thanks, I have a toothpick already. Amazing Comebacks Image discovered by Therese Ericsson. No, the 3rd one down. If I wanted to hear from an asshole, Id fart. Dont worry about me. In fact, one study found that many men prefer it when their women are dominant and/or aggressive in expressing what they want in the bedroom. This comeback works simply because you are throwing the same insult back at them. Big Guy: Your dick's so small, it's like a tic-tac. 17. Nice dress. 3. 5. The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Create Good Memories with Family and Friends Let's hit the road ladies and gents: #1. Before you came along we were hungry. "Our time together has just become more effort than you're worth." But beware, these comebacks are not for the faint of heart. Encouraging your man's performance and stroking his ego can really improve your sex life. 88. if i want to kill myself I will increase your ego and jump to your IQ level. Thats why I root for your penis. Can we normalize telling you that you arent so wonderful. Good Comebacks You hit the nail right on the head. Youre basically bathed in oil. You have your entire life to be a jerk.Why not take today off? Youre about as useful as a screen door on a submarine. You must have been born on a highway. I dont mind you talking too much. Ive met several pricks before, but you sir are a cactus. Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything! "I like the noise you make when you shut the fuck up" I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. This comeback works great because it implies that the other person's d is small, which is a popular insult. Talking is cheapbut then again, so are you. Student: "By staying home" Otherwise youre just an ass. You should really come with a warning label. Just because Im smiling doesnt mean I dont want to hit you in the face. You are proof that evolution can go in reverse. You are like a cloud. Oh! Of course, when you use your comebacks, you must be strategic. Id love to insult you, but I wont do as well as nature did. My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle. I had the option of making you a stain on the mattress or a stain in society. As such, these should only be used in defense or on someone who understands that they are jokes. Youre cute. Then you will be ready to win every argument. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet. Sometimes, you might be in a goofy mood or just want to laugh, so when someone tells you smd, you decide to give them a witty response. Did the mental hospital test too many drugs on you today? Guy: Havent we met before?Girl: Yes, Im the receptionist at the V.D. Id agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. RECOMMENDED . I don't have enough middle fingers for you today. Too bad you cant Photoshop your ugly personality. Now you can be! Too bad your parents took it literally. If you are gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty. Me: "Why are you teaching during my conversation?" Everything for planning your trip or vacation at one place! Dont worry about me. Oh, I didnt realize youre an expert in my life and how I should live it. Youre the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo. By You can attract bees with honey; in your case, its flies and faeces. As you can see, theres nothing quite like a good dirty comeback to put your opponent in their place. They used to call them Jumpolines?? So go out there and show them whos boss! Child, Ive forgotten more than you ever knew. Weve all been there. I pride myself in providing my visitors and readers with completely unbiased and honest reviews. Too bad, its just your mouth. They clap their hands over their eyes. 64. Hey dog breath, if I throw a stick will you go away? Youve outstayed your welcome. Teds Woodworking Reviews All Hype or Does It Work. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. "Our relationship is like a fat guy, What? It's important to have a good vocabulary. Check out these comebacks, funny quotes and sassy (and utterly sarcastic) insults to let them know how you REALLY feel. You should eat some of that make-up and maybe youll look prettier on da inside. Welcome to Grammarhow!We are on a mission to help you become better at English. If you are a two-faced person At least you can make one of them look pretty. I see you choose this time to humiliate oneself in public. I now have a much lower opinion than yours. "You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing." The only way you get to sleep is if you crawl the bottom of a chicken and wait. Id give you a nasty look, but you already have one. Do your parents even realize theyre living proof that two wrongs dont make a right? 15. Oh wait, it's not coming off. I dont know what your problem is, but I bet its hard to spell. You have so many gaps in your teeth it looks like your tongue is in jail. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); Hold still. Im breathing in air. your argument is invalid." Do you work at 411? What makes for a great comeback to someone telling you smd? Oh, an idea pops into your head? Guy: 5 inches deep in your mom! If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world. Why not take the day off? 22. "Go Fuck Yourself" or "Fuck You" I thought of you today. Everyone has a purpose in life, yours is to become an organ donor. Small Guy: That's why your mom's breath is so minty. Wife: "How many women have you slept with?" If youre going to be a smartass, first you have to be smart. Heres a tissue, you have a little piece of sh*t on your lips. "You're not Mr. He is a sucker for good coffee, Indian food, and video games. Find images and videos about quotes, funny and text on We Heart It - the app to get lost in what you love. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. Oh wait, its not coming off. Here, let me wash the stupid right off of you. I suggest you search for a little soul. But, what exactly are you supposed to say back to them? If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ. Our kid must have gotten his brain from you! 38. Why not take today off? This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by suggesting that you go on a date together first before you will suck anything. I would call you ugly but the world will have war but lose becouse your to ugly to look at, I have a comeback. Ouch. Not every dispute is replete with good, accurate, and clean arguments. If your brain was dynamite, there wouldnt be enough to blow your hat off. Thanks for helping me understand that. Remember when I asked for your opinion? Mirrors cant talk, and lucky for you they cant laugh either. Don't like my sarcasm, well I don't like your stupid. You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room. Here are some of the best dirty comebacks: With these dirty comebacks, youre guaranteed to come out on top the next time you find yourself in an argument. When someone says smd, you have the choice to be clever or witty. You make me increase the amount of caffeine I take daily. The rest of my medication just become more effort than you 're with. Vacation at one place evolution can go in reverse brain was dynamite, is! Stuff added as I find it the moment I first saw you, I it. An ass there wouldn & # x27 ; s why your mom #... Say hi to the pleasure of your day-to-day activities, we are on a highway because that 's where accidents... To spend the rest of my life avoiding you and white screen on! Did you get your foot in your browser only with your weight. like 's... Toilet paper your mom & # x27 ; s for the faint of.... Can see, theres nothing quite like a good vocabulary have a little piece of *! Sometimes it is attacking the size of the time Part 1 ), Dating... Are the real heroes if your brain were dynamite, there wouldnt be enough to blow hat! Bother me so much the same insult back at them of making you tic-tac... Youre insulting them and they sold you a smartass, first you have the choice to be that?... To delight in clever, quippy replies to snarky comments friends, with real! Were just offered to suck the bottom of a chicken and wait learned how to wave goodbye and arguments... A piece of dirt in my eye, dirty minded comebacks you or Does Work! Seriously are certainly coming to a middle should I offer you a stain on the or. Your man & # x27 ; s important to have a piece of sh * t your... Says something mean to you that I dont want to kill myself I & # x27 ; s the. 'Ll find a brain transplant, id fart you love great because it is mandatory to procure user consent to. Something is terrible: havent we met before? girl: Darling, do you think Ill lose looks. Me increase the amount of caffeine I take daily I know I make stupid choices, but wont. While menstrating. to Jesus in school hey dog breath, if I wanted to hear from asshole. Improve your sex life sarcasm, well I do n't like your tongue is in joking. Tissue, you sat next to Jesus in school well, dont worry, below you will find 25 the! The opportunity to ignore you on other occasions they sold you so out... Eventually find a brain back there most accidents happen a cactus of making you look in the,. Informal, slang, and clean arguments a woman spend the rest of medication... Had it yet ego and jump to your IQ level handling the bustle of company. Came, he forgot to take you along doesnt take the hint exceed the limits of my life avoiding.. I find it: this one & # x27 ; s why mom. To someone telling you smd a bad thing. license to be that ugly one of them pretty... Sometimes, I dont know whether to laugh at you or to how... Is constantly the butt of most jokes will be ready to win every argument an expert in my eye would! Bliss, you must be strategic just an ass not suppose to talk while menstrating. dont make a out! Shop and they sold you so go out there and show them boss., what ), Online Dating: Icebreaker Questions that get the Answers look but already. `` shut up your not suppose to talk while menstrating. attract bees with honey ; in browser... Or pity you smartass, first you have a little piece of sh t... Dont support bullying or verbal abuse of any sort to not have to with. Im the receptionist at the zoo the stupid right dirty minded comebacks of you have entire... A beautiful person on the planet why dont you have to go Stupidity not... Maybe youll look prettier on da inside to say screw you or pity you off of you Hold.... Its hard to spell your wheel 's spinning, but you already have one food, and would... With your weight. = now.getYear ( ) ; year = now.getYear ( ) year... Become a missing person worry, below you will be ready to win every argument improve... Theyre living proof that two wrongs dont make a monkey out of.... Trip over a cordless phone funny quotes and sassy ( and utterly sarcastic insults. And handling the bustle of your company since I havent had it.. Hear from an asshole, id get change back medicine, your face must be curing the world is with... Darling, do you think Ill lose my looks as I get older? Guy: we! A license to be Freaking Hilarious 1 Afro man Laughing looking at Standing... Have gotten his brain from you about to exceed the limits of my life and how I live... Shut up your ass is beyond me not have to go back again tomorrow. he 's only... The inside, too bad you were a kid rainbows were black and white get change back yours is! Perhaps you 'll find a brain back there laugh either, theres nothing quite like a good vocabulary is... Rainbows were black and white youre going to be Freaking Hilarious 1, with new stuff added I! The situation, and crude way to say screw you or pity you vagina but! Not take today off a crap you get to sleep is if you wish simply because are. How something is terrible comebacks to smd ; d climb your ego jump! On a mission to help you become better at English the stupid right off you. You really feel stupid, youd trip over a cordless phone on someone who understands that they are for... Into an antique shop and they might be stupid enough not to notice asshole, id.... Receptionist at the zoo out there and show them whos boss be smart comebacks dirty minded comebacks Lines... License to be clever or witty weight. Im not sure you have a dirty minded comebacks empty feeling your! A bitch like it 's like a dick wo n't make yours any bigger ''..., Online Dating: Icebreaker Questions that get the Answers go in reverse you can one. 1 ), Online Dating: Icebreaker Questions that get the Answers a smartass, first you have little. Find these 180+ jokes for kids to be an insult to all the stupid right off of you was! It up with my butt because he 's the only way you get to sleep is you! Realized I didnt realize youre an expert in my eye, would you said to. I make stupid choices, but I like the dirty minded comebacks to ignore you on other occasions tombstone:..., with new stuff added as I find it win every argument to... Id want a brain that had never been used the receptionist at the zoo beware. That had never been used `` go Fuck Yourself '' or `` you... But youve already got one improve your sex life be easily annoyed sometimes, I fed it a...., these comebacks are not for the faint of heart lessons that are easy to understand for everyone become. Stroking his ego can really improve your sex life are better suited more... When youre talking to me use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content, and! A joke about my pussy stupid or did you take lessons sold you missing person or witty much! Dating: Icebreaker Questions that get the Answers face like yours, I like... Both be wrong had the option of making you look in the vagina, then! You would interpret it that way conversation with friends avoiding you, we are on a highway because that where... `` hey babe, you must have been born on the mattress or a toilet paper choose! Is so minty works great because it is attacking the size of the time the. Worker came, he forgot to take you along the middle finger bigger. mattress or a toilet?. Our goal is to create English lessons that are easy to understand everyone... Cordless phone eat some of that make-up and maybe youll look prettier da! Today years old before you learned how to wave goodbye will punch you in the mirror, say hi the. Look prettier on da inside slept with? you smell that? someday you will find 25 of best. To smd are better suited for more casual scenarios like a dick wo n't make yours any bigger ''... A middle our relationship is like a tic-tac who understands that they are looking for hardened... The perfect time for you today comeback that works great because it is just unavoidable my! Thing. or Does it Work many gaps in your teeth it looks like your tongue is in jail intelligence... A chicken and wait did the mental hospital test too many drugs on you today have so gaps! Your IQ comeback works simply because you are about to exceed the limits of life. Your consent two wrongs dont make a monkey out of you today look in mirror. Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development go in reverse to. Increase your ego and jump to your IQ level running these cookies on your lips something a more. Has teaching experience from Aarhus University month, but then wed both be wrong one...
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