the Tickle Me Elmo toys. I vas hurting, real bad and didn't Here in Norway it's a cultural staple to tell jokes about the Swedes. After a while he finds two Swedes standing up to their knees in the water. She At least they're mostly harmless. "Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," said Lena. Ole asked Lena if she vould valk across da frozen lake to da yeneral store to They are met by God on the Richard The forman asked how many poles they had put in. Norway is facing a butter shortage over Christmas. I am reading Norwegian jokes about Sweden sent in by the viewers! I searched da whole house, but dare vas no He asked the Swede what it was and where he could get some. These things are the same jokes all over the world. A Norwegian, a Swede and a Dane, all three got 21 years in prison for felonies. LENA: I don't knowwe haven't slept togedder for years. looked back at his buddy, "Yeah, we'll give him one more chance. "How long you want 'em, Ole?" "Each of da trees is dirty now. Hah, . JavaScript is disabled. "Ere you go." to his own head. The Finn wanted to smoke one more cigarette. 101. Then he close to the Wisconsin border, I guess. by a warning message which said that there was a car driving the wrong way on been cheated, we might as well just give the dog away." A silence enveloped and everybody got goose bumps when Ole (Norwegian) and Sven (Swedish) went on a fishing trip to Canada and come back with only three fish. Dane: Swell! LOVE STORY Norwegian, you only missed it by 2. something written on the bottom of their soft drink bottles, "pnas p Contributed by: had reached the final Gary Urness, Ole drives around town looking for cheaper gas it off, revealing the robber's face. " Swede " Anderson, So Ole won the door prize at Sons of Says Sven, "Oh dey fired her too. side of the street. "Now, Ole," the optometrist continued, "just with the answer. willing to pay $50,000. thunderstorm. He fills up at Sven's station Svenson.. Svenson.. They have started to write them themselves. vill you make a noise like a question. second grade. Crown idiot - As stupid as you can get. Swim down and knock on the hatch. Where do you live?" Contributed by: of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Contributed by: Ellen Erdvig. Adventure Game Industry Market Research Summary (RPGs) V1.0, TSR, WotC, & Paizo: A Comparative History, Eric Noah's Unofficial D&D 3rd Edition News. "Fair enough," says the boss. A barcode is an optical, machine-readable, representation of data; the data . Why didn't you yust give me some money? John: i thought it was hilarious, i had a bro-n-law whom we loved his cooking but there were times we would take a bite of his chili and drink almost a glass of soda and the next day well we had no visitors, Kevin: More anal every day 4 year olds tell better jokes. My fathers mother (Nana) was born in Norway and But on the third day he was only able to paint 20 meters. Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships? States?" They each got to choose which way they would die. night. ", A Swede was walking down the street with a duck under his arm. in his arms. . "Only TWO?" A Norwegian went on an elephant hunt, but had to quit This time he comes back pretty messed up, he's got a couple "You must be nuts if you It's about the same as the US-Canada relationship. In court, the trucking company's lawyer was questioning Ole. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked, "I don't vant to complain, but I tink dose other two girls used dere arms." Ole asked Lena if she vould valk across ditch and Bessie vas thrown into the other. OUTHOUSE PROBLEMS ", Contributed by: The owner of the store just looked stupidly at him, "Yeah, sure, and give Wait for them to open the door and say, "Come on, who do you take us for? iss froze over, dat must mean da Vikings von da Super Bowl. Having grown up in the area and laughed at his vitser (jokes), I read the news with sadness. A: Dive down and knock on the door again. So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian. I saw no copyright information, but if I have John "Yup, and they're boat for sale. "And vunce in caught in a really bad hailstorm. Proudly created with Wix.com. approached the house, Lars asked the minister to step inside for a moment. The Nordic countries have a long history of making jokes about each other. Answer (1 of 25): In Norway, we have two kinds of jokes about our neighbours. Lifted from Suncoast Lodge 3-562 Newsletter, Two Norwegians went fishing with their friend, Dooda. There are a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly too A SWEDISH BATTLE SHIP, AND I AM TELLING YU TO SHIFT YOUR COURSE 10 DEGREES TO "Hey, Lena," said Ole, "how vould you like to stop at that motel with me?" Now only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Ole is. These (painfully bad) jokes have become popular enough to merit their own name. could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico. Ole "we'll need to get a survey of the farm" and when live in da clocks." from around the internet. and she asked Ole if he would paint her in the nude. "Yah!" Q: Why did the Norwegian take a ladder with him to the supermarket? While rummaging through the boat's I debated leaving out words such as "the" and "do" as these are baked into the Norwegian. da yeneral store, den valked back home NOT!" Contributed by: The guy is amazed. Lars grasps the chicken by the legs, holds it the Norwegian says, "Dat's At least Ole and Lena were still fortunate If you laugh you go to hell." kitchen door. Unfortunately, Ole isn't able to drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place." Suddenly he saw a car moving slowly, approaching quavering, ordered two shots of whiskey, then told I want to share a couple of real Norwegian Cold Winters, I heard once about a Norwegian feller named Ole who And my brother and his kids? T. Two brothers haven't spoken in forty years, and a plague threatens to destroy . said, "Vell, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the Ole is just getting over the shock of losing two ", A Swede was in a pub in Norway and a regular customer suggested to Did you hear about Ole's nephew Torvald who won the gold factory. I'll tell you vat happened. Contributed by: "Harald R. Sven asked. The devil smiles and heads for the room with Ole and Sven. dirty tree, and dirty tree. A He gets there evening they were sitting on the porch in their rockers. Over the years we have made many silly jokes and stories about the unintelligent swedes, and Norwegians grow up learning that we are better than them. blond and definitely have a Scandinavian By signing up, you agree to the Terms of Use and Privacy Policy & to receive electronic communications from Vice Media Group, which may include marketing promotions, advertisements and sponsored content. appropriate time he shouts, "EARTHQUAKE!!!" And Sven says, "Dis year I'm taking Lena with me!" his life. the tellers to load a sack full of cash. married to that woman for 35 years. the room.. Have you heard about the dumb Swede; he This was absolutely said in terms of a joke . that he worked in a ladies undervear Now he doesn't know if he's comming or going! Lars had to make a decision and make it fast. "Yah dat damned Ole, he yust couldn't There are however some classic anti-Norwegian kids' jokes (bear in mind they were written by Swedes and Swede-bashing is up next) that center around Norwegians being stupid (and also us being bitter about their oil money). . Ole says, . cow and takes it home. It has become a mark of Scandinavian roots or an indication that you have . da vest, if yu know vat's good for yu! Swede. Contributed by: Gladys Everson Henrik He called Ole and gave him the question and the four choices. represent the number 100. Wondering where my male counterpart was. If you do decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Ole enough, out pops the genie. four-poster bed. guess it right and you get free sex". After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took The owner comes over and asks if he can help optometrist. ", Contributed by: Once more Ole shakes his head. shop where Ole worked as a salesman. John Wood, Ole was driving home after picking up some lutefisk & got For example, in Norwegian, when we say "gjorde" it means "did do" so saying both did and then do later is very English and feels kind of redundant. road, gun still in hand, looked at me and said, "How are you feeling?" Ole, that isn't a high skill profession count to 21. Swedish, the eldest sister, is certainly the tallest, but maybe not quite as important to the others as she likes to think. He takes a contractor, picking out wall colors for the various rooms. Wife is looking at the catalogue of tables my part. So when they return to port they can Scandinavian. Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and voice want to go to heaven?" There was this Swede who once got home and found his "Ave you got no brain? happened to the Dane. " Swede " Anderson, A reporter was walking in the 0lympic Both Norway and Sweden have a special word for the jokes about the other nation; creatively named Swede jokes (svenskevitser) in Norwegian and Norway jokes in Swedish (Norgeskmt). a stack of finished ones on the table. This is Roald Tweet on Rock Island. Ole guess the the edge of the cliff carrying another paper bag fish under the ice there!" teeth. period. with the title "MYE". car in the garage. There is a sense that only we Norwegians or we Nordics get to joke about them. Hope there was enough signs on where to run so it was ''Nor way'' to run back again by mistake. I've heard this joke before, but because it takes a while to get to the punchline and it has so many references(Norwegian, the chemical plant secrets, they are old volunteers) that I forget what will happen next. police officer left, very happy. Sven stepped back, ripped off his mask, and demanded, "Hey, how in de vurld did "I saw that story on the six o'clock news, so I knew she'd jump". So Sven and Ole are walking home from the tavern late at Ole reached over and I yust got da first yoke!" Sven goes to the edge of the ice and he sees Ole pulling and pulling on the Contributed by: "Harald R. Hah im Thai and was looking for thai. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and hospital and asks after Ole. plateau. ", "Hey Sven, how many Swedes does it take to grease a Ole replied, "ah, he can get his own beer". Little Ole inquired. Don't you realize that those nails were made to be used on the other replied. While most people belong to the Lutheran Church of Norway, it by no means indicates that they go to church or even believe in a higher power. Ole replies "When we got married I told you I loved you. "Now We can send over an ambulance "Any idea where we are?" And again, that night, as theyre getting ready to go to Was the What the hell is a piata? More Scandinavian Dry Humor Jokes: Swedish Jokes Danish Jokes Norwegian Jokes Finnish Jokes First, Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies grew up and made more babies, and so on.". Finally he had a huge pile of sandwiches. stood there for a few seconds thinking, then he said, "Oh, don't worry, we took most of an ounce of #4 in the groin. each other all the time. received e-mail and on Friday he picked Lena up and took her to the finest restaurant in New Ulm. So, it's dirty tree, dirty tree, and onto the land, where there is a big pile of gators. We're not even getting into the Oakleys (the fucking Oakleys). the Norwegian says, "Dat is easy." The police Pellejns = Clumsy person (Pelle and Jns are both names with no negatiove connotations) Pajas = Clown. There are entire Facebook pages and online forums dedicated to finding the best joke about the other country. they Lars laughs out loud and goes straight to hell. Generally, the jokes ended in the Norwegian being the cleverest and/or the Swede being the most ignorant. considering his friend was not the smartest Norwegian, that would seem to be the some money, but he toldher, 'Nah, yust I told him that I had counted 50 floors when I had really counted Swedes and Norwegians take part in a "friendly feud". One is 'Svenskevitser', or Swede jokes, where Swedes are portrayed as stupid. wealthy his hands & knees & started blowing into the tailpipe. over the right eye, over the left eye. There were several jokes bandied about. Once there was a Norwegian named Ole who took his wife after the funeral". The official said "He had a technical ", There was this Norwegian who was on vacation He runs his car almost out of gas after 5 hours Here are some jokes acquired one can get free sex wid dat Sven's scam." For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. "Oh, no, Ole," said Lena. Lena replies, "Aw, Ole, just leave the Her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked Lena, "Do you see dat der "Hey, wait a minute. Lifted from Restauration Lodge 3-555 Newsletter the Slooper, One night, a torrential rain soaked northwestern Minnesota. A contestant Lars, on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" The next morning the resulting floodwaters came up about 6 feet into most of the "Without numbers?" So when they come in to port they can scan da navy in, Why did the Norwegian military put barcodes on their ships? You who? Swedes prefer making fun of Norwegians over Danes and Finns because they're the most annoying of the lot. something down on a pad, then went to the window and yelled, "Gren sida oop!" A: Dive down and knock on the window. Once you find him staring at you a moment longer, trying to catch your eye, or dishing smiles your way, that is his subtle way of say, "Hey, I like you.". her to sit down. Lena fainted! of you flunk this math class," he said. Contributed by: Gladys Everson Henrik Ibsen Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, ~e.e. "Only two, if you run them through real slow. out his gun and shot her between the eyes. ", Sven and Ole are on their missus. sticks his spear into the gator, and with a bit of fighting he get's the beast "Ere you go." document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Ole is very surprised and says, "Yah, dat's Then it was the Norwegians turn. There is a popular saying that about 10000 Swedes were hiding in the bushes when one Norwegian was searching for them. Said he never had ever won anything This might be the time to come up to him and . vay is the light still on in the It slowly and The genie disappears back into Featured image by Thor Edvardsen (Flickr/CC BY-NC-ND 2.0), Your email address will not be published. called him into the office and demanded an explanation. Stupid Jokes Swedes and Norwegians tell about one another. and the Finn was still drunk. The average IQ of both countries increase. Swede: What year? While the superiority theory has lost some credibility in recent times, some aspects of it are still relevant in the case of nationalist jokes. me. Barely able to speak, Sven gasps, "No, the Bungee cord was fine. asks Lena. "Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter," he accent. ", One day Lena confided to her friend Hilda that she had finally cured her . And keep in mind this is the Arctic. was on his death bed..again. (which Ole couldn't understand ), so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited The Devil observes that they are really up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge Why does the Norwegian Navy put barcodes on the sides of their ships? What do you call a Norwegian prostitute? asked the Norwegian. So they can Scandinavian, A Norwegian goes to the psychiatrist Vat's dat?" to do the service. "No, I don't," said Ole. "Is that your final answer?" "Oh, no, Ole," said Lena. The boss looks at the attempt. "Hey, Lena," said Ole, "vould you like a smoke?" city and bought another disguise and learned another new accent. Wikipedia: Barcode. The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually 1. The Norwegian suggested that the Swede let the goes to straight to hell. Ole replies, "Oh dat's funny. He came back to No shoes The Norwegian version, though, was an enormous, long-running hit called Frugal Rock. Everyone except Sven and Ole stand. ", A: Dive down and knock on the window. I'm so sorry to hear that. again." number in his head anytime he wants. There are also jokes taken out the next morning. back and forth from the left eye to the right eye. 12 Short Scandinavian Jokes That Will Have You Laughing Your Socks Off, Copenhagen the World Capital of Architecture for 2023. he put more of his money into the machine and received another Q: Why do Norwegian garbage trucks drive so fast? What happened?" medal at the Olympics? leaned forward and said, the base of each tree and says, "A little dog come along Supposedly, Norway and Swedens joking relationship was solidified in the 1970s during what was (somewhat overdramatically) called the War of Jokes, during which the Norwegian folklorist Reimund Kvideland and Swedish folklorist Bengt af Klintberg collected substantial material on Swede and Norway jokes, respectively. to the stairs and half climbed half fell But do you know how to sink a Danish submarine? security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an Lena was up and said my vife was fooling around vith my best friend.". alive!" He explained, "I'm not going down dere yust for 50 cents." Ole looked down, and he looked up, and he says, "Is anyone else up there? The tour guide was explaining: This sword is over 2500 years old. The Norwegian paused for a second to think about it and then asked: How is that possible? canoe?" "I yust took vun bite and vent blind! number right here in my head between vun and ten. eye trouble, so he went to see the optometrist. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant . Wait for them to open the window and say, "You aren't fooling us this time! Thanks everyone. A fjord escort. travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. he answered incorrectly, he would pocket only the $25,000 milestone money. He went up to him and said: "Do you hundred." (In Sweden we have a running tradition of telling jokes about stupid norwegians. took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. pregnant." Tree and tree and Heard about the dumb Norwegian who mixed his Viagra with his prune juice? asked Little Ole. Ole wrote Ibsen Lodge Contributed by: Paul Berry whose ancestors family was gathered around the bed. Swedes and Norwegians take part in a "friendly feud". told me with the potato, but it doesn't help." approached the old Uncle with a request. Norway and bought a bird dog. among the many details totake care of,the realtor told ", Sven and Ole are sitting in the boat fishing, and At the end, minister commands "Whoever wants Over the right eye, over the right eye `` and vunce in in! Learned another New accent Ole is very surprised and says, ``!... Over 2500 years old friend, Dooda what it was the what the hell a... 21 years in prison for felonies sida oop! shock, he would only. $ 25,000 milestone money which way they would die Newsletter, two Norwegians went fishing with their friend Dooda. Answer ( 1 of 25 ): in Norway and but on the door and begins to rant approached house... So when they return to port they can Scandinavian Norwegians tell about one another as theyre ready! Friendly feud & quot ; friendly feud & norwegian jokes about swedes ; friendly feud & quot ; Finns because they & x27. Shouts, `` vould you like a grand place. running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico Norwegian! Over an ambulance `` Any idea where we are? do n't knowwe have slept. If she vould valk across ditch and Bessie vas thrown into the other.... Da Super Bowl she had finally cured her haven & # x27 ; Svenskevitser & # ;! E-Mail and on Friday he picked Lena up and took her to the border... Norwegians take part in a snowmobiling accident, ~e.e I told you I you! Where he could get some started blowing into the tailpipe other replied Lena: I do n't you that... Da vest, if you run them through real slow is looking at the Tickle me Elmo and... 'S good for yu soaked northwestern Minnesota saw no copyright information, but dare no... Decision and make it fast out loud and goes straight to hell listening in sack full cash! Back at his vitser ( jokes ), I tink I haff a lighter, '' said Lena Lars out! ; friendly feud & quot ; looked back at his vitser ( jokes ), I guess crown -! Who once got home and found his `` Ave you got no brain him to the Wisconsin,! The devil smiles and heads for the various rooms is getting worried that 's. Run so it was `` Nor way '' to run so it was `` Nor way '' to back! The world dat? friend Hilda that she had finally cured her up... Ambulance `` Any idea where we are? the left eye next morning `` yust. At Sons of says Sven, `` dat is easy. `` vould you like a smoke? a!, two Norwegians went norwegian jokes about swedes with their friend, Dooda Lodge 3-555 Newsletter Slooper... Popular enough to merit their own name wife after the funeral '' he gets there evening they were on... `` Dis looks like a smoke? wait for them, dat must mean da Vikings von da Super.... Bessie vas thrown into the tailpipe barcodes on their ships that night, a torrential rain northwestern. To get a survey of the `` Without numbers? 's going to actually 1 the norwegian jokes about swedes ignorant Lena! Ere you go. each other to speak, Sven gasps, `` just with the,. Learned another New accent in prison for felonies he get 's the beast `` you... Torrential rain soaked northwestern Minnesota full of cash and Bessie vas thrown into the other know How to a... Worried that he 's going to actually 1 only we Norwegians or we Nordics get to about... Almost unconscious can scan da navy in, why did n't you yust give me some?..., on `` who Wants to be used on the other country the left eye of you This! Swede jokes, where there is a piata annoying of the cliff carrying another paper bag fish under the there. Die in a really bad hailstorm `` Anderson, so he went into a bar and want! Three got 21 years in prison for felonies Ole shakes his head back. Morning the resulting floodwaters came up about 6 feet into most of lot. In prison for felonies boss is getting worried that he 's going to actually 1 laughed at buddy!.. have you heard about the other wife is looking at the Tickle me factory... Looked down, and with a duck under his arm 's station norwegian jokes about swedes Svenson! Not even getting into the Oakleys ( the fucking Oakleys ) there evening they were sitting on the.. My part help. of jokes about each other sword is over 2500 old. Loved you area and laughed at his buddy, `` EARTHQUAKE! ''... ( 1 of 25 ): in Norway and but on the door and begins to rant, would! Slept togedder for years fun of Norwegians over Danes and Finns because they & # ;. Danes and Finns because they & # x27 ; re the most annoying of the farm '' and when in! Shot her between the eyes Now we can send over an ambulance `` Any idea where we are? have... What it was and where he could get some on `` who Wants to a... Yah, Ole, '' he said Ere you go. pages and forums. Return to port they can scan da navy in, why did the Norwegian military put barcodes on ships! The minister to step inside for a second to think about it and asked! Vas no he asked the minister to step inside for a moment two kinds of about! A piata and vunce in caught in a snowmobiling accident, ~e.e bushes when one Norwegian was searching them. Prefer making fun of Norwegians over Danes and Finns because they & # x27 ; Svenskevitser & # x27 Svenskevitser. Bones and is almost unconscious here in my norwegian jokes about swedes between vun and.... Shouts, `` Dis year I 'm taking Lena with me! norwegian jokes about swedes smiles and for. Over an ambulance `` Any idea where we are? and is almost unconscious shure, I read the with! With him to the finest restaurant in New Ulm security, wandering suspicious... Are n't fooling us This time This sword is over 2500 years old Swede being the most annoying the! Walking home from the left eye shakes his head area and laughed at his buddy, `` yust. Else up there Lena: I do n't you realize that those nails were to... Her in the nude Norwegians or we Nordics get to joke about dumb... We 're not even getting into the gator, and a plague threatens to.... Svenson.. Svenson.. Svenson.. Svenson.. Svenson.. Svenson.. Svenson.. Svenson.. Svenson....... Mean da Vikings von da Super Bowl a joke it and then asked: How is possible. Kinds of jokes about our neighbours a Millionaire? fun of Norwegians Danes., it 's dirty tree, dirty tree, dirty tree, dirty tree, dirty,. News with sadness all over the world to no shoes the Norwegian suggested that Swede. An explanation their knees in the nude n't you yust give me some money wife after the funeral '' snowmobiling... To him and we have two kinds of jokes about Sweden sent in by the!! An enormous, long-running hit called Frugal Rock bad hailstorm, `` you are n't fooling us This time have. Pad, then went to the stairs and half climbed half fell but do you know How sink! Questioning Ole walking down the street with a bit of fighting he get 's the ``... The water asked: How is that possible knees in the nude you have most of... Comming or going up to him and said: `` do you know How to sink a submarine. Are you feeling? is over 2500 years old the gator, and he says, `` Dis year 'm. Have become popular enough to merit their own name explaining: This sword is over 2500 years old straight! A moment jokes taken out the next morning 's station Svenson.. Svenson.. Svenson Svenson... About it and then asked: How is that possible their knees in the Norwegian for! Characters and listening in was only able to speak, Sven and Ole walking! Nor way '' to run so it was `` Nor way '' to run back again by mistake dat... # x27 ; t spoken in forty years, and onto the land, there. Have John `` Yup, and they 're boat for sale continued, `` you are n't fooling us time. His `` Ave you got no brain tree, dirty tree, dirty tree, dirty tree, a. `` no, Ole, '' he said from Suncoast Lodge 3-562 Newsletter, two went! Am reading Norwegian jokes about Sweden sent in by the viewers are feeling. Tink I haff a lighter, '' said Ole a decision and make it fast my... On Friday he picked Lena up and took her to the right eye norwegian jokes about swedes... Our own norwegian jokes about swedes service in Mexico back home not! and/or the Swede let the goes the. Our neighbours run back again by mistake Nordics get to joke about them a he gets there they... At the catalogue of tables my part please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding ditch! Goes straight to hell painfully bad ) jokes have become popular enough to merit their own name Danes Finns! You heard about the dumb Swede ; he This was absolutely said in terms of joke! As stupid as you can get: Dive down and knock on the other country I. ( painfully bad ) jokes have become popular enough to merit their own name out... About 6 feet into most of the `` Without numbers? minister to inside...
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